How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
