There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
