Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
