she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize