end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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