How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
be right there i have to get my cape
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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