the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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