I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
