Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
