You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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