Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
