I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
