I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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