i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My liver just broke up with me...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
