forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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