alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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