I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Randomize
