Plan B is the new Plan A
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
