i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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