why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So vagazzling was a success
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
