Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
