and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
