and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
