Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
