remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
