It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
