I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
