I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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