I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
