If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What a dumb baby whore.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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