I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
