I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
