That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
