So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
