I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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