tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
