i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
