A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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