I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
