ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
