Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
