You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
