3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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