I am spending my child support on dildos
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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