I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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