i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
