I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
