All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
