I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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