I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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