FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
