i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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