Someone shit on the floor
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
