either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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