Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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