Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
