Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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