I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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