What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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