She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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