So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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