Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
