I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Michael Bay diarrhea
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
