oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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