Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
