I just made out with a guy for $7.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
