john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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