I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
