he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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