remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.