I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
