uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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