i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
