Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE