Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that