literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.