I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream