Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.

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  (508): Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/jn2c
  Replies (12) Good night (721) Bad night (3990)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.

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  (203): Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door. http://tfl.nu/li4e
  Replies (10) Good night (4648) Bad night (609)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

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  (914): I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already http://tfl.nu/bq9r
  Replies (19) Good night (1373) Bad night (3487)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
  Replies (19) Good night (6577) Bad night (1497)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why

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  (507): I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why http://tfl.nu/wixc
  Replies (6) Good night (2484) Bad night (820)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call

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  (254): They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call http://tfl.nu/bvwc
  Replies (23) Good night (3147) Bad night (999)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.

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  (309): I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking. http://tfl.nu/amrn
  Replies (5) Good night (4739) Bad night (885)
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  (530): View more from California

  and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.

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  (530): and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters. http://tfl.nu/hxhg
  Replies (5) Good night (2961) Bad night (845)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats

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  (248): The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats http://tfl.nu/x34n
  Replies (2) Good night (1375) Bad night (570)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.

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  (803): The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood. http://tfl.nu/3s7a
  Replies (6) Good night (2182) Bad night (720)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".

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  (973): i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on". http://tfl.nu/pnhv
  Replies (7) Good night (1403) Bad night (668)
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  (209): View more from California

  Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.

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  (209): Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before. http://tfl.nu/iyhk
  Replies (4) Good night (514) Bad night (1002)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...

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  (321): Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face... http://tfl.nu/4hpu
  Replies (3) Good night (347) Bad night (674)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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  (225): I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you. http://tfl.nu/gxsp
  Replies (1) Good night (248) Bad night (439)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna

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  (513): Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna http://tfl.nu/lbc2
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (278)

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