it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.