I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.