Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
