I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying