Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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