We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i love accidental penises.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
