good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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