she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
