I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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