Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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